Hollywood Swingin'
Livin' the good life! Just another day in L.A.
By Lara Karuna
This Saturday was my “white” Hollywood
night - now why do I specify “white”?
Because, I swear, white and black
Hollywood are two different worlds. My
sister and I have been traversing the
Black Hollywood scene for a while now.
It’s normal to see Jamie Fox, hugged-up
with two fake-boobed vixens on either
arm, or to gawk at the short skirted,
cleavage-bearing women with their
neon “Looking for a Baller” signs
blinking from their necks. But white
Hollywood… I had no idea where those
folks hung out until this Saturday,
when I was there, in the thick of it.
Like a fly on the wall I was
transfixed, and in a direct
contradiction to expectation, very
bored.
I was wearing knee high leather boots
and my I Want Change t-
shirt (Hey!
Gotta represent) and my girlfriend,
Jessica, wore cute white boots. We were
looking hot and Hollywood ready, if I
do say so myself. Jessica plugged the
address into the GPS system of her car
and we were off… Turn Left on Laurel
Canyon, said the computer lady and we
both remarked on the “Mobil” logo,
placed conspicuously on her GPS screen
as a landmark for the left-hand
turn.
“Do you think Mobil pays for
that?” I asked.
“I wonder…”
Hmmmm. But that’s a topic for another
article. Tonight we were in Hollywood!
time to suspend reality and play Self-
Important for a while.
We pulled up to the house, tucked in
the Hollywood hills. Following the
music, we walked up a gravel driveway.
There didn’t seem to be too many people
there yet and we fretted over our
entrance. Would we walk into a silent
room as heads turned in unison? Would
my boots click too loudly on the wood?
Luckily, the room was empty enough for
all heads to follow us but crowded
enough for my boots to be muffled by
the hub of conversation.
“Did you see Winona Ryder?!”
Asked Jessica.
“No, but whatever,” I said, shrugging
nonchalantly.
Like, who cares, I thought to
myself,
it’s Winona. I mean, I’ve been there,
done that. She’s just a person, you
know. I don’t care… Whatever…Wait! Is
that her! No. Damn. But not like I care
or anything.
From there we made
our
way to the catered food in the living
room. Around the table people chatted,
half listening to their conversations,
half checking out whether there was
someone better they could be talking
to. Jessica said “hi” to her good
friend
and contact at the party. He smiled,
hugged, kiss-kiss on each cheek and
then was back to his better
conversation with someone better than
us. We stood around, watching everyone
pretend that no one was watching.
“I’m glad I wore boots,” said
Jessica.
“You look cute,” I said.
Silence.
“Wanna drink?” I asked.
“Yeah, a drink sounds good.”
Thank god for alcohol! Now we had a
purpose. There was a bar. It was four
feet away and we were going to walk to
it. Actually, just the other day I was
told I had a “mean walk” so, now was my
time to show it off. I’m a star
too,
people, ya’ll just don’t know it yet!
I was hot. I worked out at the gym. I
could even sing. Just yesterday I was
in “The Studio.” But I was one up! I
was full circle cool. I was so cool
that I didn’t have to pretend to be
cool. I was going to SMILE at people. I
was going to toss my hair around, so
care free- so ORIGINAL! That’s how
cool I was. Even Winona (Ryder, that
is) wasn’t up on my level of cool. So I
smiled broadly- magnanimously - at the
bartender.
“Hi!” I said, brightly.
“Hi,” she said, bored.
“Cranberry and vodka, please,”
I said.
She nodded and handed me my
drink.
Hmmm. What now? I sipped slowly,
peering out from behind my drink.
“Heath Ledger is D-jaying,
wanna go say hi?” Asked Jessica.
“Sure.”
And we walked! Now we had to go a good
50 feet! And with a purpose! A
cheerful, bubbly purpose! People
watched in their unsmiling un-coolness,
huddled together talking about- I don’t
know- their next movie? The new project
they’re producing? You’re so un-cool,
people! Didn’t you get the memo?
“Hi, Heath,” said Jessica,“this
is
my friend, Lara.”
“Hi,” he smiled broadly
“Hi,” I said smiling too. And
that was it. His door of communication
shut down.
So, I plopped down in the empty room
and bobbed my head to the music. Soon
after, Heath put on more soulful music
and I wondered… was that for me? I was
the ONLY woman of color there, and I am
hardly that “of color,” but, I forgot -
white Hollywood… and the Aussie crowd;
So now, I was Soul Sista Number One,
Cleopatra Jones! I should start
snapping my finger!
People began wandering into the empty
DJ room. Two tripped over the pillows
placed in the center of the room and
quickly retreated back to the patio.
“You look like Alicia Keyes,”
said a cute German girl.
“Why thanks!”
See, the
German
girl was up on it too, but you know
Europe, they’re always a little ahead
of us. And then Meg Ryan entered. She
introduced herself to a friend of
Heaths as “Meg” with a knowing smile.
Jessica elbowed me. I shrugged.
Meg,
big
deal. She’s just a person, you know.
Who cares? And when she glanced at
us,
a little skeptically. I flashed her a
smile and She smiled back - Meg knew
what
was up.
“Oooh!” and this time I didn’t
care that I cared, “Joaquin Phoenix!”
I thought he was a superb actor.
Perhaps he had depth. This was someone
I was excited to meet.
“Jess, I wouldn’t mind meeting
Joaquin!”
“We’ll try.” She said.
And for the rest of the night I kept an
eye out for him. He was around,
meandering, walking. Waiting for
someone to come and talk to him, but
pretending that he didn’t want to talk
to anyone. And he noticed me too! I
mean - I looked like Alicia Keyes,
right? A little later, I saw Heath
Ledger and Joaquin Phoenix talking.
They seemed to be looking at me. I
heard Joaquin ask Heath who I was and I
heard Heath try to remember my name; I
then heard him remember it and finally
he said “Lara!” nodding in my
direction. I Walked over,
“Did you say my name?”
Silence.
And it was as if I had put on Frodo’s
ring and disappeared. They wouldn’t
even glance at me. Wow! I
thought, at
first taken aback, I can just stare
all
day long and they’re going to act like
they’re alone. So I stared to my
hearts
content.
Joaquin was belligerently
drunk. Heath stared at him, and I
looked at them both. Like cavemen who
haven’t been introduced to language
yet, they awkwardly communicated. Long
moments of silence ensued as everyone
stared at everything but each other.
After an interminable minute of saying
absolutely nothing, they went their
separate ways, while I stood there- the
invisible observer. Don’t worry,
Phoenix, you might have been removed
from my “Groupie Butt” list**,
but I’ll
still watch your movies.
“Let’s go check out the pool.” Said
Jessica.
“Okay!”
With Joaquin
crossed
off my list, the pool mission sounded
appealing. It was a good 100 yards
away, down a set of steep, cobbled
steps. This was better than going to
the bathroom and getting drinks. Now I
really had something to do! I walked
down the stairs carefully. The pool was
beautiful. A smattering of couples sat
in lounge chairs, whispering. We stood,
hesitantly.
“Excuse me,” said a haughty
voice, “could you put on some
music.”
I was taken aback, but smiled.
“Uhhh. Sure. I like music.”
“You are with the DJ’s?” She
asked again.
“Uhhh, no,” I said.
“Yes. You’re doing something
with the DJ’s,” she insisted.
“No… I’m really not. But if
you’re too lazy, I’ll put something
on."
She didn’t respond and then -
my
Oakland reared its head, jokingly (but
not, you know what I mean) I
said,
“Ya’ll some lazy
muthafuckas!”
And put on Lauryn Hill. I walked to
Jessica
imitating the woman in a loud voice.
“Uhhh, Maria, could you do your
job and put on music.”
Later, I saw that same lady
clearing dishes with the rest of the
caterers.
“Excuse me,” I asked, smiling
ironically, “Where’s the bathroom?”
Glowering, she pointed to the left.
And so I meandered. Sipping cranberry
and vodka’s simultaneously bored and
entertained. Cool , but really not.
Watching all the stars watch each other
as they all played the game of who
speaks to whom first; which added up to
everyone not speaking to anyone. But
that’s Hollywood for ya! Now, let’s get
back to why Jessica has a Mobil logo on
the
GPS screen in her car.
** A list of famous people I might
give
it up to just because I like their work
so much- Eminem, you’re still on there,
baby!
